Dear friends,
I am come to tell you a tale of unspeakable danger, a tale fraught with tribulation and woe. I call this tale "The Epic of Lissy's Journey to Claim Her Extremely Belated Driver's Permit and Subsequent Adventures."
Yes. I finally have my permit. Three years late. 'Twas entirely my fault. I was too scared of driving to take the last step and finally get my permit. I'd taken the online course and whatnot...but I was terrified of the actual driving and never went further than that. In retrospect that was really, really stupid of me. I could have been such a help to my parents during all our recent moves and taken the burden of shopping off my Excellent Mother's shoulders. I could have gone to the library so many times! But alas, I was an imbecilic coward and let my fears control me and now I am an adult who is still learning to drive. *facepalm*
So, on to the tale. I studied the booklet minutely for two weeks, memorizing it cover to cover so I could take a written test. When I think of my exhaustive study I am filled with indignation. All that for the dinky little fifty questions that were so obviously easy a six-year-old could manage them. Wretchedness supreme.
After wading through piles and piles of paperwork (being homeschooled meant I required even more paperwork than the average peasants) the dragon behind the desk finally handed over my permit and told me to offer up a sacrifice of gratitude. Apparently the usual offering is a hefty goat or sheep. I only had twenty-five dollars on me. The dragon sniffed it two or three times and then (after one if her minions informed her that "cash" may be used to purchase things like chickens and unicorn flesh) accepted it and sent me away with the following warning, "You must drive for thirty hours as a penance for your sins, lest the lesser deities of the department sentence you to an age in purgatory. Go, and don't show your face here again until you can traverse the roads without mowing down innocent pilgrims and wayfarers!"
Thus Lissy of Twelve Acre Wood received her driver's permit...upon the Ides of March, no less. I expect something unfortunate will come of this.
After receiving said permit our intrepid heroine is forced by a cruel and unrelenting troll (my Esteemed Father, in disguise) to drive along the streets of the city, and had many harrowing adventures.
I do not recommend learning to drive in the city. At all. Luckily I was only in the city for about four minutes. I am a new driver and that is immediately obvious. I skittered about the roads in such a fashion that people were watching me with expressions like these: 😬 😕 😵 😲 😵 😱😨 😒 and 🙅. It was...well, to be honest it was terrifying and absolutely, utterly mortifying.
Driving in the countryside was a mite better, even if the road was hardly more than a hairsbreadth in width with massive, yawning chasms on either side. At every intersection a semi would inevitably leap out at me, dead set on causing my demise. (I made that pun on accident. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad one.) Yawning chasms and murderous semi's aside though, country driving is relatively simple, even for me. Driving in the city is pure wretchedness. Signs and lights everywhere, cars also everywhere, people passing you left and right and pedestrians at every street corner and crosswalk. I cannot tell you how glad I was to get home with nothing more that a mild case of whiplash. Our loathsome twelve passenger van is huge, I had no idea how much I needed to brake to stop it. So what if I braked too quickly the first...and second time. I learned my lesson. Mostly.
I drove myself and the ruthless troll to my piano lessons on Thursday. We only died twice. (Possibly the three times--that last time we headed into the light I think it was just the sun glancing off the cover of my notebook, I can't be sure though.) I consider that an accomplishment.
P.S. If this blog suddenly goes on an eternal hiatus you may assume the worst. I could tell you stories about car crashes. The details have been etched into my brain and shall remain there forever and always. Ugh.
